If you decribed my husband to me 10 years ago, I would have said you're crazy. He is the opposite of everything I thought I wanted, plus his history I viewed as "baggage." After some major heartbreak, I didn't even want to think about a relationship. So when I met him, I saw it as just something to pass the time and didn't think it would be anything serious at all. I decided what the hell, if what I have tried so far has only ended in pain, then the opposite should be different.
To start, he was bigger than I would typically go for. I know petty but once we women get our "type" stuck in our head, its hard to get it out. He was recently divorced, and had a child with a previous girlfriend. More drama than I was interested in but at the time, I didn't think it was going anywhere. Things just kinda took their own course, and we just let the relationship progress naturally. We never had the "relationship" talk, where are we going? What do we want out of this? Never labeled it. It all seemed to just go, with neither of us second guessing what we were, what we wanted.
First big step, first "I love you." He had to be at work early in the morning, and I was still in bed. He leaned over to kiss me goodbye, and half asleep I said "I love you." Without hestitation at all, he said it back. Later, like most people would, I wondered if he said it out of obligation or if he meant it. I tend to over analized things like you wouldn't believe. (as you will see) I had just gotten back to my parents house when I called to see how his day was going. He had a tone in his voice that told me something wasn't right. He said "I have something I need to tell you but I don't know how to say it." My heart sank and felt like it was about to break. He proceeded, "I'm just going to come out and say it. I love you." Relief swept over me. I hadn't really realized what I felt for him until I thought he was going to break my heart.
There have been many times that I have second-guessed our relationship and his commitment to me. His flirtatous personality is more than I can bare sometimes. There have also been a couple times that I have seriously doubted his faithfulness. But we have worked through it all and I won't be putting those details on here.
We have been together over 8 years. Married for just a few. Recently bought our first home. It is easier for me to consider starting a family but I am still scared and don't think I'm ready. My husband has been ready since we started dating but has been patient and come to realize why I've wanted to wait. I want to wait until we were comfortable with each other and had a secure roof over our heads. I know its never the perfect time but you know when its not the right time.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Where to begin
I suppose I should start with my family. I am the youngest of a large family. My dad is the oldest of 3 but my mom is one of a dozen, yes 12. You guessed it, Catholic. I am greatful for many things that came out of being raised the way I have. I have learned that material things can be replaced and don't matter. The people in our lives are what matter and the time with them is precious. My parents have been married 41 years, something that is NOT common among my friends. My family is spread out over a few states now which can be hard sometimes.
My dad was raised to work hard. He was born on a train in Germany in 1945 while my grandparents were trying to come to America. He is a quiet man who shows his expressions clearly on his face. He says what he means, and means what he says. I definenetly know where I get it from. My dad does not talk much about how things were for him growing up.
My mom was raised to be fruitful and multiply. Its weird, I talk to my mom all the time but I honestly couldn't tell you much of her childhood. Every once in a while, she tells me something but its usually about her marriage to my dad.
As you go through life, you slowly become aware of things that have happened within your own family that you thought never could. Many people are raised with that security blanket feeling wrapped around their little world
For now, I must charge this computer. I have more to write, read if you wish
My dad was raised to work hard. He was born on a train in Germany in 1945 while my grandparents were trying to come to America. He is a quiet man who shows his expressions clearly on his face. He says what he means, and means what he says. I definenetly know where I get it from. My dad does not talk much about how things were for him growing up.
My mom was raised to be fruitful and multiply. Its weird, I talk to my mom all the time but I honestly couldn't tell you much of her childhood. Every once in a while, she tells me something but its usually about her marriage to my dad.
As you go through life, you slowly become aware of things that have happened within your own family that you thought never could. Many people are raised with that security blanket feeling wrapped around their little world
For now, I must charge this computer. I have more to write, read if you wish
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